1 post from February 2008

I write this blog with some resentment.  Since my last blog, my feelings have not wavered towards school.  It's hard to continually retype the same sentiments over and over, but whenever I sit down to try and write, this is all that comes out.  I count down the days.  I cannot wait until graduation.  When I am there, I try to be as level-headed as possible in dealing with students' misbehavior.  I try not to let anything affect me: the unfathomable amount of absenteeism this semester, the apathy of the students, the unwillingness of the administration to help, etc.  But it's all still slowly eating at me. 
The good news, although it's not school related at all, is that I have found a few job possibilities for next year.  Many of them allow me to still give back to the community, offer freedom outside the classroom, and seem like positions with opportunity for advancement.  However, I feel like I am under-qualified for many of them.  Also, I'm nervous about taking a position of leadership.  Despite the fact that my leadership skills have grown infinitely since I began teaching (and despite Dr. Mullins's class on Ed. Leadership), I still don't feel like I am good at spearheading things on my own.  I'm much more of the type of personality that wants to be told what the objective is and then gets to work.  Witness my attempts to set a meeting date and agenda for an organization to which I was elected president.  The meetings traditionally have been held in January.  Here it is almost March, and the meeting has not been set.  (Although, in my defense, the people I am working with are not the most cooperative or the most punctual in their replies.)
Anyway, as the school year starts to wind down, I'm slowly beginning to reflect on my two years in the program.  There are so many opportunities for real good to be done here, if only we had more power (more knowledgeable people in positions of leadership I guess).  I'm excited about being on-board in Oxford for July because I feel like there's so much I can pass on to incoming first years.  I'll have to try and temper my desire to bombard them with ideas for lessons and strategies for management all within the first days, but I do think one of the best ways to improve the educational system in this state is through organizations like this one and through an open-mindedness that allows teachers to both give and receive information genuinely and selflessly.  When I think about the wealth of information and talent in my class alone, it's mind-boggling.  But how much of it will go to waste after this year?