2 posts from October 2007

I've begin to start thinking about and planning what I'm going to do next year.  I'm pretty sure I'm not returning to my school.  Even though things are better, I just can't see myself expending the energy I do now to try and get through to these students while still dealing with a mostly incompetent administration and successfully keeping myself sane.  Much like last year, I've been prone to fits of depression lately, and I'm starting to realize that it's just the natural stress of the job.  Even though I have much fewer discipline problems, my classroom management is still far from flawless.  Kids still skip school a lot.  Kids are still failing a lot.  Parents are still upset with me because their students aren't doing work and I don't have the time/energy to inform every single one of them.  And perhaps most importantly, I'm tired of trying to teach Literature to a group of students that abhor reading.  I can have fun activities to supplement the reading, and I can give examples and background information about the reading that relates to their life, and I can show movies and relevant clips that connect the literature to modern day society, but there's still going to be a minimum level of simple reading in my classes, and that's the part where I can't do anything with them.  I'm tired of waking kids up or watching them stare into space as we read through a short excerpt (yes, sometimes I can't even get them to read 2 paragraphs silently on their own).  They're not disruptive or disrespectful; they just don't (or probably in some cases can't) read.  And this part kills me. It's the part that I think is ultimately going to drive me out of the classroom.  I worry about that small portion of the day where I'm not successful.  Worry about it to the point where I can't get other things done.  I love the kids for the most part.  And I want to have interaction with them.  But I think my happiness would be preserved if I could interact with them in a role where I'm not directly responsible for their learning (like an administrator, counselor, mentor, etc.).  I used to think that if I went to a different school, I'd be much happier.  But lately I've been wondering if I just hate having a job that I can't leave at work. This job infiltrates every aspect of my life, and I'm growing weary of that. 

I'd say the attitude towards the faculty and staff at my school has definitely changed in year two.  First, teachers are now approaching me for advice.  It seems as if they respect my opinion, and some actively seek me out or are willing to listen when I have something to say, whether it's a complaint or a suggestion.  I was told by a veteran teacher the other day that my former students who now go to her for ACT Prep praised my ability to break things down on a level that they can comprehend.  They ask me how students we share are doing in my class and what I do to get them to act a certain way or perform a certain task.  There's a definitely a new level of respect.  Secondly, my administration trusts me a lot more.  I think first, I'm not having nearly as many discipline problems, so when I do come to them for help or advice, they're much more willing to offer advice because they probably have faith that I'm actually competent enough to put it into effect (whereas last year, I wasn't necessarily).  My administration is also off my ass.  I can't count the number of times I had an administrator in my room last year to watch me.  Some of it was scheduled; most of it wasn't.  This year, I think I've had one asst. principal in once for an informal evaluation and the head principal once when he thought we were getting too loud.  (Subsequently, he saw some students were acting out a skit, smiled and said "Oh, okay" and then walked out and closed the door.)  There's also definitely some disadvantages to being a 2nd year teacher.  I've been hit up for all kinds of organizations and functions: Prom Committee, soccer coach, Mr. and Mrs. High School, MCTE presenter, and concession stand worker.  Fortunately, I can usually use the MTC Saturday class excuse to get me out of it, but sometimes I have to just say no.  Overall, the respect I receive is greater -- and some of it is actually deserved.