4 posts from 2007

I've begin to start thinking about and planning what I'm going to do next year.  I'm pretty sure I'm not returning to my school.  Even though things are better, I just can't see myself expending the energy I do now to try and get through to these students while still dealing with a mostly incompetent administration and successfully keeping myself sane.  Much like last year, I've been prone to fits of depression lately, and I'm starting to realize that it's just the natural stress of the job.  Even though I have much fewer discipline problems, my classroom management is still far from flawless.  Kids still skip school a lot.  Kids are still failing a lot.  Parents are still upset with me because their students aren't doing work and I don't have the time/energy to inform every single one of them.  And perhaps most importantly, I'm tired of trying to teach Literature to a group of students that abhor reading.  I can have fun activities to supplement the reading, and I can give examples and background information about the reading that relates to their life, and I can show movies and relevant clips that connect the literature to modern day society, but there's still going to be a minimum level of simple reading in my classes, and that's the part where I can't do anything with them.  I'm tired of waking kids up or watching them stare into space as we read through a short excerpt (yes, sometimes I can't even get them to read 2 paragraphs silently on their own).  They're not disruptive or disrespectful; they just don't (or probably in some cases can't) read.  And this part kills me. It's the part that I think is ultimately going to drive me out of the classroom.  I worry about that small portion of the day where I'm not successful.  Worry about it to the point where I can't get other things done.  I love the kids for the most part.  And I want to have interaction with them.  But I think my happiness would be preserved if I could interact with them in a role where I'm not directly responsible for their learning (like an administrator, counselor, mentor, etc.).  I used to think that if I went to a different school, I'd be much happier.  But lately I've been wondering if I just hate having a job that I can't leave at work. This job infiltrates every aspect of my life, and I'm growing weary of that. 

I'd say the attitude towards the faculty and staff at my school has definitely changed in year two.  First, teachers are now approaching me for advice.  It seems as if they respect my opinion, and some actively seek me out or are willing to listen when I have something to say, whether it's a complaint or a suggestion.  I was told by a veteran teacher the other day that my former students who now go to her for ACT Prep praised my ability to break things down on a level that they can comprehend.  They ask me how students we share are doing in my class and what I do to get them to act a certain way or perform a certain task.  There's a definitely a new level of respect.  Secondly, my administration trusts me a lot more.  I think first, I'm not having nearly as many discipline problems, so when I do come to them for help or advice, they're much more willing to offer advice because they probably have faith that I'm actually competent enough to put it into effect (whereas last year, I wasn't necessarily).  My administration is also off my ass.  I can't count the number of times I had an administrator in my room last year to watch me.  Some of it was scheduled; most of it wasn't.  This year, I think I've had one asst. principal in once for an informal evaluation and the head principal once when he thought we were getting too loud.  (Subsequently, he saw some students were acting out a skit, smiled and said "Oh, okay" and then walked out and closed the door.)  There's also definitely some disadvantages to being a 2nd year teacher.  I've been hit up for all kinds of organizations and functions: Prom Committee, soccer coach, Mr. and Mrs. High School, MCTE presenter, and concession stand worker.  Fortunately, I can usually use the MTC Saturday class excuse to get me out of it, but sometimes I have to just say no.  Overall, the respect I receive is greater -- and some of it is actually deserved.  

The first few weeks this year have been so much smoother in comparison to what I dealt with last year. I know the processes of my school - not to expect to go to lunch at the same time everyday, constant interruptions, third block will extend at least an extra 15 minutes, my planning period will be cut in half at least every other day, etc. - and thus can much more readily adjust. It's amazing to compare my classes with all new students to the classes with some students that I had last year. My new classes are angels. They're so scared of me. It's great. I came in this year not trying to be anyone's friend (huge difference from last year) and determined to have them obey me, and it worked wonders. The students that had me last year tried to set the tone on the first day of school (talking out of turn, making snide comments under their breath), but were completely surprised with how direct I was in my correction of their behavior. I'm so much more organized, although I still have plenty of room for improvement in that department. I think most importantly, my lessons have an overall unifying theme to them, and I know what gets the students' attention vs. what completely bores them. I've only had a couple of students go to sleep on me, and with my new classroom management skills, it's pretty easy to reprimand them. Despite all these wonderful changes, many things are still, regrettably, the same. Students are still, for the most part, lazy. Administration is I think less organized than last year (in part because we're missing one counselor and the other newly hired one is insane). Parental support is lacking. Essentially, the same problems that the students brought last year exist, but my ability to handle and deal with them has evolved. So far, so good.

So some of you (if there are any of you) that have been following this blog may remember several months ago when I posted about a student, RG, who had a rough home life and who had a lot of potential but was always getting in trouble at school. Well today RG showed up for the first time today because for the past nine weeks, he'd been in boot training with the Army in Georgia. I wasn't even aware that you could enlist if you were underage, but apparently if it looks like you're going to graduate and you get some recommendation letters, then they'll let you. So RG came by today after school to talk to me about what he went through this summer. I've never seen someone mature so much in so little time. It was like he was a new person. He no longer tried to defend his defensive actions (I spent hours arguing with him last year about how it wasn't important to defend your pride every time it's insulted) or showed anger at people that insulted him, but tried to discuss with me why these people do these things. He told me about how he got into a fight with another soldier at the beginning of the summer who said "I hate black people," but later simply tried to show this soldier through his own actions that black people did not live the stereotype he saw. He told me about his daily routine and the discipline and determination it took simply to stay awake at times. This student (I can no longer say kid), at 17 years old, was a platoon leader -- in charge of 60 men, several of whom were twice his age. He talked to me about how he no longer was attracted by of his previous vices: smoking pot, drinking, or playing around in class. He talked with scorn about his other classmates who have no idea what the real world is like. He described his newfound habit of taking notes in class because he always needs his body doing something. He even told me about some of the physical abuse they had to endure and how stoically he took it. The transformation was amazing. I have to admit, I teared up a little at one point. This was the ultimate teacher moment for me so far. I think I may have been the first adult to listen to his stories and fully recognize his change, and I could tell that he respected me for my time and my attention. This school year is already going much better than last, but RG's newfound outlook on life has made it that much better.