broken hiatus

So I'm sure those of you who read my blog regularly (which is probably none of you) have realized that I haven't blogged for while.  I don't think since October.  While I could come up with a multitude of excuses, I'd have to say it's most likely because I have nothing to say.  Things are decent.  For the most part, the kids do what I say.  For the most part, the kids learn the material.  For the most part, the kids are bored or upset that they actually have to do work.  For the most part, I create good lessons.  For the most part, I am respectful and helpful to my students.  For the most part, I'm not enjoying my job.  I think more and more about what I could be doing with my free time.  I'm spending less time outside of school on school work.  I'm becoming progressively more frustrated with the apathy and sheer laziness of my students.  So why haven't I blogged about this?  Because I feel like this is nothing new.  It's been this way for a while. 

At the beginning of the school year,these were the reasons I was so confident and excited about the prospect of changing to a "functional" school district where work ethic is instilled, my students have some sort of background knowledge and exposure to the world, and discipline problems are minimal.  But as the weeks evolved, I realized that while this aspect of my job drains my enthusiasm, there are elements essential to teaching that I detest just as much, if not more.  For example, I HATE that this job never leaves my mind.  Especially after being around family and friends over the holidays that do not have to bring "work" home with them, I realized what a luxury it is.  And no matter where I teach, I'm always going to be worrying about what and how to teach the next day, week, or semester; when I'm going to get the 45 essays I have graded; if I'll be able to turn in my copies on time so that I can give my students the handouts they need; etc., etc.  Also, I LOATHE the bureaucratical crap that comes with my job.  I have to justify, get a form signed for, and analyze the shit out of every move I make.  This will not cease at another school because I will still teach in the public school system (I somehow feel that teaching at a private school is selling out).  These and other aspects of teaching are something that I cannot reconcile, and are the main reason why I'm almost positive I will not be returning to the profession next year.

I love the relationships I've formed.  Which is why I really want to get into some form of public service next year.  I've said from the moment I started this job that it would be the best in the world if I got to hang out with the kids and not be responsible for teaching them when they don't want to be taught. I want to see if there's someway I can find that outlet.  If there's an organization out there that lets you work with students who want to be there, who want to improve themselves, and are not afraid of a little hard work, then I would love to do it.