most of the time, adjustments are comfortable, slow, and expected.
i think this summer has been pretty solid, all around. i feel like i've answered this question a number of times by this point, but i still have stuff to say.
i feel pretty good about my second video for teaching. i'll first re-visit some of the mistakes or things i noticed in june, and then some of the things i noticed this time around.
what i saw on the film that i liked:
-i walked around the classroom well. i still did a fairly stellar job at this. i've read in a couple people's blogs how they've heard that we have to stand still or sit at least for a little bit. i agree but i can't seem to do it. at one point i was able to take up residence on a desk in the back of the room, but after thinking about it, decided it was fairly unprofessional, and kept moving around the room, checking on students' work. landon had pointed out that if you're going to be moving around, it needs to have a purpose, so now, though i do move around, it's slower and with a conscious effort to look at student work, making sure it's appropriate, and finding students to provide answers.
-my pose was pretty confident. still rocking the confident pose, but still having an issue with the teacher shoes. i think i just need to break down and head to payless to get some unattractive shoes that will be silent
-my voice was fairly firm and professional. though i noticed in june my voice tended to stay monotone, it was much more conversational this time around, but nothing unprofessional. there was authority and confidence in it, and i think it sounded much better this time around.
now for what i didn't like (in june, compared to july):
-i stayed in the front of the room for most of the class. buzzzzzzzz! definite change here. i actually now teach, for most of the time, behind the class. i think, like a lot of the second-years and TEAM leaders have said, that behind the classroom is pretty effective. they don't know where you are exactly, so they don't misbehave as much, you can keep an eye on them, and they have no idea what you're doing. it's a pretty sweet spot.
-i clicked a dry-erase marker 27 times in 5 minutes. though it didn't happen in the lesson that i taped, i know that i still click a pen occasionally. my remedy is to have a pen with either the cap off, or to have the click-able pen stuck in my hair, so that i can only pull it out when i need it.
-i say "c'mon guys" or "guys" when i want my kids to stop doing something. i still rock the rude "guys" call out, but it doesn't do much. we had some discipline issues since the last blog, and they know that some consequences will be coming. i guess i kind of feel like that's my verbal warning? but it doesn't work so well...
-i'm really laid-back in my teaching (at least this lesson) so my kids tend to slouch a little, and talk casually with me, and each other. like i said a minute ago, we've had some discipline issues, so the kids don't think it's a joke, but they are pretty open with me. i do like it for the group of 12, but i don't think i'll ever let it get that casual during the school year.
i definitely think i've changed a LOT since my june video. i also think i have a long way to go - still. i think my lessons are getting better, my time management is fine (though sometimes i still find myself getting stuck on notes/class discussion), and my discipline is starting to take shape. i think i have a long, long way to come, but i think i'm getting there - slowly but surely...
Summer training was a fast-paced learning and friend-making adventure. I would compare it to diving into a pool. I knew exactly what was coming, and it felt even more refreshing and invigorating than I expected. Also, like a dive, I felt queasy and nervous at first. Looking down into the waters below, I was apprehensive in the beginning weeks. Formal evaluation days and befriending new people and getting up in front of a class for the first time were inevitable growing pains of training. Any training requires pushes into un-comfortable zones. That is how I would describe summer training: a series of pushes into that zone of discomfort, which got gradually more and more do-able. The encouragement and support along that route was more than sufficient to keep me willing to step into each new day and each new experience. Soon enough, each day became a thrill.
Summer training also entailed bonding with my second years and fellow first years. I learned so much from these five people (plus my team teacher). Through my daily interaction with them, I gained strength, a sense of know-how, a direction to my professional growth, and most of all, a love for the job. My questions, fears, concerns, ideas, dreams and hopes: they were all in safe territory with these “teaching kin” in place.
This brings me to the most helpful aspect of summer training: the social interaction that is built into it. I love being roommates and neighbors with the people I work alongside. I love growing as a teacher, not on my own, but as part of a group of people who share the same journey and desires in their future vocation. I love the fact that benefitting from peers’ ideas is so effortless in this environment, and that sharing resources is made so natural and easy over the course of the summer training. This is hands-down the absolute strength of summer training: centrality of social exchange between, and proximity to, first- and second-years -- and then, the magical transition to an intensified bonding between first-years in July. I feel like this enables us to survive. When I refer to this strength of ‘social interaction,’ I refer not only to the vocation-related advice the second-years and team teachers gave (and continue to give!) us, but also to our own closeness to each other – in terms of age, energy levels, idea flow, etc. – made summer training very productive and satisfying.
What needs improvement about summer training? I say, keep the rigorous pace, the early mornings of school and lesson prep, and late nights of LP-ing. Keep the afternoon class, the inclusion of the more seasoned team teachers and all the evaluations and assignments to blog, to do projects and to read books. All I’d like to add is, more books (one or two to give us even more classroom management food for thought), and somehow making our class time a time when we can start thinking about planning for our year ahead. Perhaps some end-of-summer re-boosting from the second years would be good, like a jump-start to mentoring before the first day of school hits. I definitely feel compelled to read all of Wong & Wong now. I can’t suggest much for summer training improvement at this point; perhaps being in my own classroom within the next two weeks will show me where summer training left me unprepared. From where I stand now, though, I feel well-prepared and ready (though still nervous as I imagine what lies ahead- but no amount of preparation could take that away. A little edge is good in order to function anyway, isn’t it?).
Thursday, July 24
On Tuesday, I/we (my co-teachers and I) failed one of our thirteen students. The numbers determined this outcome, but we wrestled with the fact of it emotionally and logically anyway. This student's failure was no shock, given his low cumulative score all summer long. But, when I think about the fact that the boy who sat next to him was also failing at the midpoint of summer school, and actually lagged behind him by three percentage points earlier on, I can't help but feel a chill of remorse, pain or regret that the summer ended with no turn-around for this kid.
Our failing student, we will call him Joshua, actually had his shining moments. He would smile, perk up, and be eager to say the answer on some days. But his homework average and test average were pretty consistently abysmal: a 20% on homework and a 66% on tests. A teacher can and should help a struggling student. But there are some things s/he can't do: the teacher cannot do the student's homework for him/her. What wrenches my gut is the fine, fine line separating these two boys, the one who failed and the one who passed. I am not entirely convinced that the one who passed was any more deserving than "Joshua;" he simply came in more days for tutoring and his mother was very, very adamant and called almost daily to assure his progress. When it boils down to it, the student who escaped failing by the skin of his teeth simply had more parental surveillance and came to tutoring five more days than the failing student.
When I called Joshua's mom to be the bearer of bad tidings, I was anxious that she would contest me and defend her child. Of course she would; wouldn't any parent be defensive? And what would I say? But she didn't pull that card at all. rather, her voice became heavy with disappointment. Silence hung between us on the phone line. "So he failed summer school...isn't that something?" she said. And then, "I understand." Truly, that was about it.
I am definitely unsure about how I will cope with having to fail a lot of students in these coming years. From what I gather, it's a regular and inevitable occurrence. And, I am also sure students' and parents' reactions won't be so "smooth" as they were this time. I also get disturbed when I think about the ripple effects failing a child will have. Will it make him or her see him/herself as a failure? Will it add momentum in their cycle of failure? I can only imagine that the experience of failure must be excruciating for a person. I'm sure some would say, no, they're used to it. But I can only sense that failing a subject in school is painful. How can there not be suffering involved? It affects how a child sees himself, his peers see him (if he's in a younger class), and possibly how his parents treat him. Also, I would imagine that it introduces a distrustful or antagonistic dynamic to future student-teacher relationships (that is, how the student thenceforth sees his teachers- destined to fail him).
Surely, failure on a report card it is the proper consequence following from not doing one's work and not meeting a pre-set standard. On the other hand, Reggie Barnes' exclamation of "You can’t assume!" rings in my head, and makes me reconsider such a simple cause-effect rationalization as this. What if these students really have something inhibiting them from doing homework, and I just never know about it? How far do I need to go to help a student; does my responsibility end? Not that I want it to. I just don't know where that mark is. I cannot sit with two out of every 13 students and go through the whole homework step by step with them...can I?
Sometimes, I think I care more about students' grades than they do. But I also cannot tweak numbers to say what I wish they'd say. School really is an economy of getting what you earn. Is that really true - is it really such a "to each his own" system? Isn't there room for collective responsibility and uplift? Does it all fall on one teacher? My dream would be to institute a peer-tutoring system in my future classroom, because I already know there will be tutoring needs, and I suspect that a majority of the kids who need tutoring won't come and get it even if it's offered (unless hey have parents like the boy who passed in my class does).
When it comes to grades, I think there is a lot of ethics and wisdom required of the teacher, which I do not yet have. I want to get older and wiser. In this area I can feel my "immaturity" as a teacher the most. This is a topic I will be sure to pick my colleagues' brains on. What are their philosophies? Have their hearts becomes hardened to this micro-tragedy of each failing student, since it's so commonplace and, as I said before, inevitable? Or, are they pushovers, who do a disservice by passing a student who really doesn't get it, and who will be stuck with sub-par skills for many, many years, perhaps even the rest of her life, because one teacher put an premature end to the laborious task of learning? I can think of no greater disservice than robbing a teenager of the ability to write and read for pleasure and self-discovery/growth. I don't care if that sounds disgustingly corny, because I believe it's true. Not to mention that low literacy skills can't be good for a person's dignity. It feels so good to succeed and to be able - if eventual success comes at the cost of initial failure, I am much more for that.
But still, this sting of failing a student remains. Maybe it's just an aging process that a teacher gets seasoned to as s/he matures.
Or This is why I loved Hungary so much.
This is a facebook thingi from someone in my Hungarian study abroad program.
Gimme a V! Gimme an O! Gimme an X! What's that spell? VOX!
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July 19, 2008
My first reaction to my lesson was: phew! Whenever I pack a lot into 50 minutes, I am nervous for the lesson, but I am also more on the ball. This lesson easily could have filled a block. I was pleased with my lesson because it built on previous student work. Independent practice was the best part of the lesson. Students were highly engaged in it; they got to work immediately. When I let them loose to work, all their heads bent down, their pens cocked up, and they went to work right away! Transitions were no issue (I had a two-part independent practice), because I pre-paired peer editors.
I noticed two major improvements in my teaching abilities since my June video. The first is my sense of time management. Not only was I right on track with my LP-projected times, I kept up with them in the real life lesson. I also gave students frequent updates on how much time they had left. The tempo of the class was good, and I frequently announced the class’s agenda- where we were headed and what we were doing next. Still, it saddened me that we ran out of time to conference. I could tell the students would have had it in them to have done more editing and revising. On the other hand, by keeping time tight, it pushed them to really focus and there was no leftover time for troublemakers to do anything with.
My second improvement is classroom management. Even through there were four tardies, I took immediate control of the classroom. My new tactic, writing names on the board, is the most effective. Few students tested me beyond that – they hate having their name on the board. And, I issued writing assignments on the spot: this is an improvement from my June days, when I lost track of warnings and failed to issue the punishment.
There is, of course, vast space for improvement. My instruction was, in my opinion, not very good. I bored myself watching it. Perhaps there is no way around boring instruction. I have no doubt that it was effective, though. I think I should have shortened it by 3-4 minutes, to give more IP time. Also, my classroom movement was sufficient, but I think perhaps a little more movement during instruction would have been good. The projector is a useful way to keep yourself facing the classroom.
Which brings me to another major point of improvement: right after I dished out warnings, I turned my back on the class and spent about a minute straight writing on the board!! NOT OK! I need to learn the team teach, LP’s, technique of writing sideways, with my front side facing the class as I write.
A third way I could improve, and I cringed as I watched myself doing this, is to give formal directions to students, instead of just making a comment on the fly: “on the rubric page, circle a score, 1 through 4, for each category. Four for good, three for pretty good, two for needs some improvement, you get the idea...” I have to learn that I can’t just give directions on fly. I discovered how I had to clarify myself during IP as I walked around and monitored. This is not their fault, but mine. It would have been better to be CRYSTAL CLEAR directions up-front, rather than to have to keep repeating myself. This should be an easy problem to fix. It will simply require a little more prep.
Finally, my closure came after the bell. In the real school year, I won’t have the luxury of a class that stays put to hear it. I need to be extremely aware of the time towards the end, and not miss the closure (even sandwiched in the middle of IP, if possible).
Since June, my teaching style has evolved somewhat. I think the students get more work done per class period than they used to. At the same time, I don’t think my teaching itself has changed much. I am still passionate about the subject matter. I still use the silence questioning technique. I don’t think I have experimented enough with new ways of doing things. I would like to start trusting my students more to do more work on their own or in live pairs/groups, without me having to give them handouts for every little thing. Maybe that’s a misdiagnosis. But I do think I need to shake up my procedure flow/routine (in my LPs) a bit. Especially since I will be on the block (94-minute periods) in August.
From watching myself, I learned more than anything else that I should experiment with varied forms of guided practice. I also need to learn to instruct more concisely. As my team teacher pointed out to me (with regards to another lesson), Wong states, “the more understandable the sentence, the greater the chance that the student will do what is intended.” What I glean from that advice and from watching my video, is that I need to refine the quality, quantity and pacing of my student questioning. I should avoid leading questions and phrasing a question that puts me in a position to pull students’ teeth to get the answer out of them. I should also avoid excessive verbal quizzing of students, re-hashing the instruction material, when that leads to cutting down IP time too much. It’s a hard balance!
As you can see I have now joined vox. I had some trouble with the so called private settings of my last Blog site. I have decided to make the big move to Nashville, TN. I am so excited yet at the same time terrified. I am interested to know whether my teaching strategies work across state lines. I am also wondering if I can be an effective high school basketball coach. Wow, doing both (effective teaching and coaching) in my mind seems almost impossible. But he brings me to it he will bring me through it. That is God's grace!!
So I have spent the last month of my life in Oxford working for the program. It has been an enjoyable month. It is hard to believe that I am about the leave all this behind..... my students, friends, and collegues. I have formed many great friendships that will stay with me for the rest of my life. " Its so hard to say goodbye..." I wish I had more time with some of the people, but others I am ready to leave behind. When I think about my experience in this program I become speechless. It has touched and changed my life in so many ways. I just want to say thank you for giving me this opportunity. I am much stronger, confident person now. I am also happy with being me. I dont feel as if I am where i need to be but I am happy that I am not who I used to be.
AJ
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